Something different… Exposing myself

They say when you are up onstage performing that a good way to get over the nerves is to imagine the audience naked, although I am not sure the same applies when posting something over the net…. I feel more like I am the one walking around naked… Not just naked but full on up the on catwalk strutting my stuff baring all for the world to see…

I have always written, ever since I could remember. It’s been my way to process and control the many ideas that bounce around my head like tennis balls. My writing has always been like a trusty best friend that I could turn to when everything was just going to the chickens. When I was a lot younger I used to share my writing to anyone that wanted to hear it (and often those who did not) but as I have got older and had more dents to the ego, my confidence and the prospect of sharing has dwindled a lot, if not almost disappeared.

However, embracing the idea of doing something different and stepping further and further out of my comfort zone (and closer to a dream), I realise I need to get over this fear and myself. I am starting to learn that taking that step out of the comfort zone and into the unknown can be a good thing. Once you get arrive on the other side, there is a river (sometimes a torrent) of different emotions that flow through you. A friend once told me that is ‘you are not living unless you are feeling’. He didn’t elaborate to say what you should be feeling but I guess it does not matter; any kind of emotion signals you are here. I need to remind myself of that next time I am curled up in a ball having one of my mini-meltdowns.

But seriously this is harder than I actually thought, I mean in my head it was going to be easy. I was going to set up a blog, fill with pages of inspiring writing, publish it and voilà but real life is not that easy… It never is – if it was I would have written and published ten books by now.. Real life is filled with distractions, like a 2 year old, emotions like fear and the actual task of trying to find the motivation and strength to get through the distractions and emotions.

It all seems so cliché but I guess so much of it is about the journey, as well as the sense of the fulfilment when you finally do achieve your goal (another good thought to keep for those mini-meltdowns). The things we learn about ourselves, and others when we are trying to battle through all of the challenges in front of us when trying to accomplish a dream.. My journey is only starting and I’ve hit my first challenge… becoming comfortable with myself that I can take the step out from behind the curtain and out onto the catwalk…

So if you are reading this you can know that I have finally taken that step and decided to take this out of draft and hit the ‘publish’ button.