It’s been a few months now. It is still too early to say that I have accepted it, it just does not occupy my thoughts all day, every day now. In fact sometimes I forget that she is gone, I find myself thinking that I want to call her and then I remember and I get that same punch to the gut feeling that I felt when I first heard.
I have been through this before and I know it will get easier with time but it is just getting through all the firsts… I’ve already done the first xmas, the first birthday but something tells me the first anniversary will be the worst…
I remember speaking to the grief counseller not long after and one of the things she suggested that I try and speak to her out loud… Hmm not sure about that one, people already think that I am a bit loco… I don’t want to confirm by being seen walking around talking to myself (I already do that enough by trying to have a conversation with my animals), although other people’s thoughts were not the real reason that I didn’t continue it, I tried it and it just didn’t work for me. It just wasn’t the same.
It is just about one day at a time, pretty soon the days turn into weeks and the weeks into months. I am not sure if gets easier or if we just learn to accept it and realise that there is nothing we can do to change it.