Failure. It’s not something that is easy to admit, especially publicly but the blunt, honest truth is I set myself a task and I did not fulfil it. If I wanted to fool myself I could enter into all the grey areas condoning my failure with made up justifications. Which usually for a period of time, is exactly what I do. There is however no ignoring the black and white fact, that it is still failure.
Slipping down the slope of success, I’ve let myself fall and I find myself at the bottom of the mountain again however this time the incline seems so much steeper than before. But when you are slumped at that desperate point of despair what do you do?
Wallow in self pity? Be the captain of your own sinking ship, blaming all of the other crew for your demise. Tell yourself and others that it’s just not your fault and blame it on the flock of ravens or the black cat that seems to just consistently follow you around?
Give up, walk away and never look back? Live your life from one chaotic downfall to another, blind to the series of botch ups that you leave behind. Remain ignorant and never evolve?
Or do you take a deep breath, pick up your broken and fragile body and force yourself to go on? Try and learn a lesson from the fall and not repeat it?
In my case, I will do the latter. Take the bitter pill of reality and swig it back with a glass of lemon juice. Accept that it is no one else’s fault but mine that I failed. My lesson has come through from unusual sources. Today’s ‘Freshly Pressed’ Just Keep Writing and a post I was tagged in on Facebook. Now all I need to do is put a pin on my seat and make myself sit down. Write, and keep writing.
I’ve gone backwards and forwards with myself examining my own reasons for my failure. Were the expectations too high? No. Did I have all of the right tools? Yes. Did I want myself to fail so I could punish myself for it? Maybe. Was I just being lazy? Also maybe. There could be several reasons for it but my next something different was to try and move past it, not spending too much time analysing it nor beating myself up for it.